Rich Beyond Words

Tip 1

Never treat children as inferiors. I’m often amazed at the attitude of people. Some people think that a child is only a half a person and cannot contribute anything until it has reached adulthood. I have learnt more about myself from my kids than any other person living on this earth. Just think how you feel when your boss, spouse, partner or colleague gives you the impression that they are cleverer, more experienced and better than you. Would you agree that it doesn’t feel like a good place to be in?

Tip 2

Don’t kill personalities by saying things like Oh you’ll never amount to anything with that attitude. If your parents said it to you it may be possible that you’re just repeating the same old stuff. This is not true. People can amount to anything they want to be. The only thing holding them back is a set of false beliefs. So refrain from programming them into believing they’ll never amount to being anything.

A wholesome approach is to point out the things that are positive. As a mother or father there should be at least 25 good qualities you can think of right now. If you really detest the attitude take a look at yours first and make sure that some of it hasn’t spilled over into your offspring. Can’t see a part of you in that attitude that makes you want to climb the wall? Then speak to your child, say, “you know I noticed that lately you are always rolling your eyes when I talk to you. Do I do that? Am I repeating myself? Is what I’m saying making no sense? Please tell me what bugs you about me, so I can understand. I appreciate your opinion. Maybe my friends feel the same way and they just aren’t brave enough to roll their eyes at me.” They’ll be telling you every thing pretty soon.

Tip 3

Encourage healthy entertainment. Some parents often tell me that they’re happy if their child is reading anything. That horrifies me. I’d rather my child read nothing than anything. Reading stimulates the imagination. Our imagination is where we create our lives. Yes this may seem shocking but it’s true. We create our lives by the pictures we create. That goes for the movies they’re watching as well. Movies that inspire and teach are wonderful. Mindless sitcoms have no value.

Tip 4

School is a great place for acquiring friends and testing out social skills. Don’t put pressure on your kids to score high in school. If they do it naturally that’s okay. The main thing is they should enjoy school even if they’re not A students. Often later in life A students work for C students. School notes do not mean people have the skill for making money and being great leaders and visionaries. Obviously children should understand the alphabet and numbers other wise school is a night mare for them. Help your kids, when they ask you something don’t ignore them – take the time to explain it to them. If you don’t understand after you’ve looked at the assignment, tell your kid you don’t understand and look for solutions together.

Tip 5

Teach them about the power of their thoughts. Encourage free thinking. Teach them about the law of attraction ie what we focus on is what we get. This is a lesson that a lot of adults still have to master. If you can’t afford some thing right now that they have their heart set on, go in visualising mode with them. Take out a note book and let each child express from the heart how they would really like their room to be, what holiday they’d like to go on etc. Let them talk – refrain from saying, “we can’t afford that.” Take notes for them. I and my girls have a whole lot of fun doing this.

Tip 6

Last but not least teach them about love. Love them; love their friends – even the ones you don’t like. Never make racist or derogatory comments about any one. Children always follow by example. If your kids are hanging out with a crowd that don’t look and act savoury, be better company yourself.

Tip 7

Be a great parent yourself. Remember the words of Kahil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward, not tarries with yesterday.

Being a mother is quite an adventure I dare say.

It’s a challenge too.

No body on this earth has made me discover the emotions within me like my twin teenage daughters. I have gone from feeling of such tender and exquisite love to hostility.

I remember the discipline with which I was raised. It wasn’t overly strict but my dad did give me hidings when I refused to listen or give him back chat. It didn’t stop me from keeping my mouth shut, in fact it just made me angrier that kids were treated like inferiors, like they didn’t know anything. How often did I hear, “I’m a lot older than you and you have no experience.”

Two twin girls aged 13 going on to 25 is well, to say the least daunting at times. I have to get into real self discipline so I don’t succumb to their level to get my point over in an argument.

Oh my, what a reflection of myself when my kid, stands there with hand on hip lecturing me about which washing powder to use to get a stain out of her white blouse. She says things like, “Mama you really should watch more TV so you can see what’s going on in the world”.

I never watch TV. But I do watch myself and I do watch my girls and it’s amazing how much of myself I recognise in them. I always know what part of my thinking and personality needs fine tuning just by watching them. That hand on hip thing, is from me. That disapproving tone of voice also comes from me.

What is even more frightening is when I realise I am being like my mother! The other day I caught a glimpse of myself in the bath room mirror whilst nagging my kids to hang up their towels and clean up after a shower. How many times have I made silent vows to myself to not nag? I remember what it was like having a nagging mother. It did not help, not one bit. In fact the more she nagged the more I didn’t care about wet towels on the floor.

I remember exactly those moments when I was thirteen and my mom just seemed to be the perfect square. I recall thinking to myself I will never be like that. And what do you know? There is me in all my mother’s glory, uughh…

I’ve noticed what works really well is to give compliments. Even if your child is standing in front of you rolling eyeballs and looking totally bored say something like, “Hey I forgot how lovable you are when you do that.” I mean remember when they did all those things when they were 2. You thought it was cute then. Now just because the child has grown and speaks for it self you think it’s cheeky.

When my twin girls were born I couldn’t wait for them to begin talking. I was so excited to find out what was going through their heads. I remember the first time they saw a naked man they named his private parts a swing bum! And they used to call me Mamela because my best friend’s name was Pamela. And the names for my parents were so apt. They called my Dad – Big Papi and my mom – Baby Mami Papi. I have no idea where they got that from, but it was very cute and heart wrenching.

Kids are so wonderful and uninhibited. To experience more joy just give them more love even if you’re itching to say something mean. I know it’s not so easy to adore them every moment of the day, especially when they come home from school with friends you don’t really approve of. The best way to deal with this is to love the friend and treat it like your own. I treat all the kids that come here like my own. I’ve seen everything from the good mannered to the absolute uncouth. I know that even the uncouth got some of that from home and can’t help it. And some of them well you know, it’s cool to be that way.

I’m always glad that my children feel so comfortable in their home that they have no qualms about introducing “square me” to the coolest of the coolest. That way I’m always in the big picture. I get to see who’s who in the zoo, and that is priceless knowledge for any mother with teenage kids trying out their own way.

copyright – Claudia Apfelthaler